starry.

2008-03-19T22:08:00.003+08:00

i cannot understand why i chose to help out with something not "exactly" within my scope of responsibility to sacrifice a rare opportunity to have family time.

it's got me so distraught that it actually warrants an entry.

what's worse?

i did not exactly feel very appreciated.

it's the last stretch. but i just feel like stopping in my tracks.
but i know my motivation.

outlast. outwin.

this left feels right

2007-09-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

up till now, everything feels right. like how everything falls into place perfectly.

screw the negative feelings last night!

work's piling up. projects gonna be in full swing soon. but i'm still in slack mode. one week recess in two weeks time. but i guess it's gonna be filled up pretty soon. hope there's time to do trekking. =)

this left feels right.
and this seems, a lot like love.

wake up.

2007-09-08T15:29:00.000+08:00

the tears in my eyes.. cannot blur the current state of how things are.

i'm supposed to be happy, but i'm not.

[adapted from julia:]
one of the first lessons i learnt when i was brought to this world was to walk.. now, i'm still learning how to walk.. to walk through my life without faltering..

sorry, but this is just a v emo day for me.

wake up, eve.

first times :)

2007-08-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

when was the last time you did something for the first time?

22nd july.. i ran my first 10km marathon in which i clocked quite well.. that's what i think considering that i haven't been running much, nyahaha. and my first m18 movie. eye-opener.. yes, i am innocent. hehe.

and i got invited to a yacht party (for the first time!) last week at marina! but i decided to give it a pass. hope there's a next time! =)

most of all, i had many firsts in the camps i attended. =)

saw a nice white leather bag at heeren that i wanna get! damn. i cannot go on like this. i still need to buy new sports shoes since all my running shoes have spoilt, thanks to nike's dissolvable glue for the soles.

was kinda pleasantly surprised last night when joshua tan added me and started talkin to me on msn out of nowhere.. and now i know he is my senior again! that guy, conveniently ignored my persistent questioning of "how do you know so much?" and "you're in smu?" till he finally relented. but he still refuses to say which school he's in. but anyway, am very thankful for those little tips. =)

today, finally got to visit the national museum for my banquet in stone. too bad photography ain't allowed. after that, went to church, and tried to find uni bag again.. but none really is compelling enough for me to buy. BUT. i finally got my hands on the gola bag! and it's white with brown words! so it's really fated that i didn't get to buy the one with black words at taka cuz it was the last piece, and it really cmi. so.. am a happy girl! =) then, proceeded to eat at hot tomato at PS basement. i think i'm totally into wraps/burgers now.. since thursday when i ate that mushroom cheesy burger Route 66 at Billy Bomber's. and then, went to catch perfect strangers. quite an interesting show i must say.

what's even more interesting is that i saw two couples fighting in public today. what a bad day to date. haha. and both times, the girl was screaming! once was in the cinema, at the row right in front of me, the girl scolded the guy, let out a frustrating sigh, and stomped off. few minutes later, the guy went out too. waste ticket money lehh. haha. second time, was when we were walking out of the cinema.. and there. the girl was scolding the guy and even hitting him. tsktsk.

off to watch tv! tata~

crazy behaviour

2007-08-04T00:04:00.001+08:00

"ohhh u updated ur blog ah? FINALLYYY" - normal reactions i get.

went down to SMU to pay for my workshop.. then went to meet sushi to find bags.. ended up buyin some striped red and black short jacket that i have been eyeing for so long everytime i walk past that shop. sigh. made two wrong decisions in the span of five minutes.. was waiting to cross the road between SOA and Lib.. waited.. and waited. till i realized the bunch of people who reached the traffic light before me did not press the button to cross. -.- so i pressed. then awhile later i saw the road wad kinda empty save for a bus that was supposedly gonna stop at the bus stop.. then it did not.. it slowed down.. so meaning i don't get to cross in front of the bus. and after the bus because suddenly a taxi appeared behind the bus! and then second lane from the left another car was coming! *stunned* cuz i was in the middle of the 1st and 2nd lane.. then i ran to the curb after the taxi slowed down. phewwwww.

then went to check which buses go to cineleisure bus stop.. many buses (about seven), except
3 buses do not go there. the next bus that came was 171.. and 171 route directory was not up there. so i just whack. DAMN. it didn't stop there.. so i had to walk back from taka bus stop.

that teaches me, never to cross a road so haphazardly ever again. once is enough.

anyway, am so totally irked by someone's rude behaviour today. completely intolerable behaviour!! ultimate man.

i cant wait till sunday. =)

revival

2007-08-03T13:03:00.000+08:00

hey peeps! was looking at the date of my last post.. and realized two months have already gone. this is the revival. heh. anywayy. yeah during this two months.. went to vietnam.. and well, been occupied with alot of acitivities.. joined starringSMU - car wash and will be doing the largest human flag with umbrellas at the padang next week for NDP. reminds me of rihanna's unbrella mtv.. under my umber-ella.. ella ella~ anyway, keep a look out! =)

went for FTB camp, Oikos! econs camp.. and to date, my most enjoyable, FANTABULOUS one is none other than Uni-Y camp. the activities they came up with + the people + (getting to play bridge during free time whees haha) = perfect combi! and.. getting to bathe at YMCA shower rooms (with hairdryers - of which Ashley is very thankful for). Telematch on first night was a big bang for PYTHAGORAS!!

pictures will be up.. well, soon. haha.

and yesterday when i got back from camp.. I was sooo pleasantly surprised. among the stack of flooded emails in the inbox.. i was been told that I have been offered the SMU Study Award for Economics. oh man i think God answered my prayers.. cuz daddy's quite sad that i screwed the scholarship screening, furthermore i didn't even apply for it in the first place.. and to them i think they sort of got the wrong idea that i didn't want it.. which is bahhhh. oh wells. my first reaction was to pick the phone up and call daddy =DD

but then, next step is to get a consistent term GPA of at least 3.4 in order for the award to be renewed every year. damn. every now and then i start to falter in my thinking and think if my limit has hit the end.. but then again.. limits are meant to be pushed. gives me one more reason to work towards my goals. =)

anyway, Uni-Y camp made me think of many issues, including personal ones.. it's not just the CIP activities that got me thinking (again) but the other fun times that i had during the games.. the realisations.. the feelings. it made me feel a whole lot better.

i still miss my folks.. cant wait for mama to come back.. together with krispy kreme donuts! =)

was supposed to go 2D1N kelong fishing trip with clara sarah and liru.. but i guess i'm backing out now.. sigh. mixed feelings man. and mom just asked me if i wanna go cambodia next week.. will see if i can squeeze in a short getaway the week after since i have to be here next week!

when the string broke.. it freaked me out.. looking back.. i think it was a sign.. though i chose not to believe it at first.. i thought my "smile" thingy had gone.. and i didn't want that to be another sign.. but it reappeared again later the next night.. and it made me smile.

maybe it's better this way.. but i just don't want to shut you out completely.. if you know what i mean.. because i don't like it when you get the wrong idea.. and i think you will..

back!

2007-05-25T10:59:00.000+08:00

hey. back from hokkaido. feels so hot back here cuz temperature is like more than doubled. heh. bought alot of things. don't want to think how much money was spent. not facing reality. haha. cuz everything over there is costly!

i broke the law twice in japan. persons below the age of 20 are not allowed to drink liquor. haha. didn't know they were so strict. drank the jap sake and the sapporo beer. the beer they produce locally. went to the factory and they gave free-flow tasting. quite nice taste. but i couldn't taste the alcohol in the beer. (or couldn't remember tasting the alcohol in the beer). and the vodka pear i was drinking the other day. tasted damnit mild. that means something. not very good though. heh.

went with a tour group this time. the group was fun!! and the guide was entertaining. took lotsa pics!! will start scrapbooking for this trip, the other japan trip, the hongkong trip(erhem erhem someone please gimme the photos, hehe). and more of the less recent stuff if i can!! hee. so i tried soaking in the hot spring, tried the specialty soup curry, snow crab, FRESH sashimi raw sea urchins (love!) & prawns. the steamboats. food still makes the world go round for me. lalala.

i don't quite understand why some people can 'bear grudges' for so long. ('bear grudges' sounds quite wrong but i don't know what else to call it) or keep their hatred towards others for so long. maybe it's me living too much in a 'fantasy' world. but what's the use in holding on to a hatred for so long?

i have to decide on the uni this sunday. giving myself this deadline. hopefully i will be able to meet it. heh. it'll probably be SMU. and i hope it is the right choice.

hmm hmm. now that i have been asked again if i wanna go play for amb alumni concert.. (prac's coming mon and tue nite) but im going for acjc choir concert on mon nite, how to go for concert with only one prac??!?!) so little pracs for this year. haha. might probably just drop by or something la. see how.

the airport people asked me to work again when i come back for another 5 days 24-28th may. was very reluctant to. cuz was very lazy. haha. but i sort of gave in, sounding very reluctantly. and i couldn't believe they can't find other people can. heh. but i said i won't be able to make it on 24th, and that i wouldn't be able to work 25th morning, and don't give afternoon shift for 27th. and that 28th won't be free. in the end, they didn't confirm with me anymore. haha! i so mafan.

so glad to be welcomed by that message when i got back. =)

and sansan, you really auto-updated me. hee! but so many things happened among you girls that i think i'm lagging so far behind. =( hmph. melmel you want to do volunteering together?

and today is jul's last exam day! whee! freedom liao~ hehe.

changi airport stint

2007-05-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

so today marks the end of the one-week changi airport stint. rejected their extension for two more weeks cuz i'll be going off to hokkaido on friday for 6 days! back on 24th may! =) will probably see those working in morning shift at terminal 2 on friday. haha. quite sad that i won't be seeing those people anymore. no more waking up at 3am. no more sharing cabs. heh. but it's a fun experience i got for this whole week. the people are nice.. the trolley and port (isit called that??) service uncles are very friendly, will chat up with you. those red-shirted staff working at CAAS were also very nice. de-briefs were enjoyable because you get to hear comical and drama stories from passengers. yeah.

just went to check webbie for jc band syf results. nanyang band got gold lehhh! haha. realized no jc band got bronze. hmm. i miss band. the majestic sound the band produces. should i join this year's amb alumni performance again? hehe.

and i went to weigh myself at the airport using the baggage scale. i weigh a whopping 46kg!!! never in my whole life have i weighed that much beforeeeeeeeeeeee. this is an emergencyyy. never thought i would come to this day that i would have to worry about my weight. cuz it never seemed to increase for like yearsss, until NOW! damnit.

anyway, yeah shev and ballack ain't playing for 19th may's clash.

probably going to bali for beach trip in early to mid june! =D

oh. and yesterday was mother's day! after work on saturday, went to watch him play soccer. then went to causeway point to get our mothers' prezzies. i actually loved what i gave mommy! and she loved it too! =D lalala. so after work on sunday went home to take quite a long nap. woke up in the evening to go for mother's day dinner at peach garden with aunts uncle mellin and jujull. my uncle gave ahma a chocolate mousse cake. hmm, quite filial after all. heh. dinner was very entertaining! =D and then another choc cake from chocz courtesy of mellin. veryy full. but i liked the dinner. lalala.

ok. tata. lols.

unfinished update.

2007-05-09T15:35:00.000+08:00

i realized i haven't finished what i wanted to say. haha. this is going to be a very choppy and random entry.

may 19th is so packed with events but i am just not going to be available in singapore!! rahhhhs. first. there's the FA cup final. it gets more interesting when [eh. i forgot who] will be out of this match due to groin surgery. then there's NUS high tea. then there's SMU high tea with deans session. then there's nyjc prize presentation! RAHH.

and and. i so hope man utd don't face points deduction!!

btw, something really random. farhanah said i looked like i was from acjc. that's like so surprising. haha. and she asked if i was from chinese dance. do i look like a chinese dancer? haha. surprise again.

acjc choir got gold. just because they overshot the time limit, so there's a 10% point deduction or something like that. think it's such a pityy. sigh. i mean, why penalise for such things? but never mind, i think everyone knows what they are truly capable of. =))

oh yes. it is so soothing to be at the airport in the wee hours, probably just to hang around at the viewing mall, or mc'donalds. because it's so quiet and peaceful! =))

happiness from within.

2007-05-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

i shall talk about my airport job experience here!

to start off, i saw mtv vj UTT yesterday! my fave vj! =D cool, casual and cute. he probably was going back to thailand. haha.

so.. met and interacted with a wide range of people at the airport. and i find satisfaction from what i'm doing because i get to hear people sincerely thanking me for helping them!! =DD and people who really treat us so nicely and say things like "have a nice day darling!" after we ask them about the regulations. this is what i call happiness from within.

oh anyway, today took a cab with a 'stranger'. cuz each of us can claim cab fees of up to $12 a day, i think this guy staying at serangoon knew that his cab fee would exceed that, so he messaged almost everyone in the morning shift to ask if they were willing to share cab with him. think i was his saviour. and i didn't even know him or knew what he looked like. didn't see him in training or orientation. and i just said okay. haha. so the cab driver started the trip picking him up at serangoon, then to sengkang to pick me, then to punggol before headin to the airport. total fare was $30.60, below the 3 people claim of $36. haha.

ohoh. i feel like a global citizen. heh. was asking this guy who was going to fly to jakarta about the new regulations, and he asked me if i was from jakarta. and then i asked a caucasian,

me: good morning sir, are you aware of the new regulations regarding liquids, aerosols and gels for hand-carried luggage?
guy: yes, i'm aware. you're from UK or canada right?
me: no...
guy: you speak perfect english! there's no singaporean accent.

=DD i could still speak that way after like, eight years?? well, that's probably cuz that was how i started off anyway.

little toes were in pain again due to the pointed heels. -.- so after knocking off at about 1215pm.. went roaming and kacau-ing those in the afternoon shift with farhanah.. sat at the viewing mall till about 145pm.. then headed home. kept dozing off in the bus! zzz.

chinese quotes

2007-05-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

hope sushi doesn't mind that i post this cuz i think its really very nice. sushi gave me this to read:

香烟爱上火柴就注定被伤害..

不要轻易说爱, 许下的承诺就是欠下的债.

其实有一种爱情叫做放弃.. 风筝一辈子只会为一根线冒险..

在爱情世界里, 没有谁对不起谁, 只有谁不懂珍惜谁..

遇到了真爱就不要轻易说离开.. 要记得抓紧爱情, 而不是抓伤彼此的感情.. 不要忘了真爱难寻

reminds me of "true love" in wang zi. =)

jotted down a lot of quotes from wang zi.. i think i can start to copy them down into a notebook already. hehe.

one which is my favourite is this: 真爱是不能被放弃的, 能够放弃的就不叫真爱.

okay. i'm lazy to blog already. haha. saturday went to play table tennis with daddy. then abit of karaoke with mom and aunt. haha.

just want to say that friday night was a blast! =DD

*in the midst of preparing present

needing motivation

2007-04-30T15:14:00.000+08:00

i feel like some failure. the feeling totally sucks. it's like some repeat from two months back. but i don't know which is worse, seriously.

i need to have motivation. i figured that's one of the most important things we all need in life, at least at some point in time.

on a happier note, SPIDERMAN 3 is coming out tomorrow! =D (and shrek 3 soon!)

one happy day!

2007-04-27T22:38:00.000+08:00

today was quite a fulfilling day! woke up at 630am.. to head to training at changi airport for the new job! =) so met siewhan there.. then we were being led to this room.. which looks abit like a dance studio with one of the four walls having a mirror and a bar on it. haha. then we played some "interactive game". the instructor was funny! so.. the whole experience was fun. hehe. then both of us went to check out the staff toilet. wahh! very nice! cuz it's like a gym toilet.. but the bathroom area is nicer with a partition for your shower area and changing area. so you don't have to get your pants wet while changing into it after bathing! and ya, the bathroom looked classy. and they have badminton courts and table tennis courts too. makes the urge of me wanting to play both of those games even stronger this time round!

after that went to eat at popeye's at terminal one with sh. updated each other with not only our lives, but other people's lives too. haha! after that headed to dentist to get retainers tightened. and he said get an xray 6months time to check on the growth of the wisdom teeth. i didn't know the wisdom teeth were in the gum all along! like in hibernation. and he said might need surgery cuz there might not be enough space! arghhhhh! more of freaked out than frustrated actually.

then had some time off to myself.. went to kino to check out the phantom piano scores! the easy ones were too easy (it's like printed in big notes like those meant for kids, haha), so i decided to buy the hard one. challenging myself is good, just like what yt says. =) went home, and immediately started trying out some of the songs. so my mom was like teaching me some chords stuff.

then updated julia on some stuffs too.. realized some problems they face were similar.. so felt better. just that hers made it very clear to her, so its probably some communication problem, i hope. if you don't understand what i'm talking, it's okay. haha. i'm getting quite incoherent by the day. so talked to mellin also.. about stuffs. well, yeah.

simple day. but i'm one happy girl today. cuz i thought it's quite fulfilling. =)

tomorrow is NY big bash 30th years! hopefully can see eunice there.

emotional

2007-04-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

my idea for why i need the scholarship which even succeeded in convincing me that i really need the scholarship came two days too late. ahh well.

the phone has been ringing non-stop this morning: all i need is some peace and quiet.

i had another dream this morning.. something playing on my subconscious mind again i think. but in both this dream and the other i can never reveal (actually both i would not reveal), i made it very clear what i wanted -- which is what i've got now. maybe i just needed some thrill.

drinking has become so much of a pleasure to me now. i wonder this is good or bad. maybe it's just the place, and the people.

interview!

2007-04-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

hey hey i'm back!

anyway, today had smu interview. it was only when i got there, that one of the ushers told me it's a scholarship cum admission interview, so it's not conducted in the normal group, so it's individual. i didn't even apply for scholarship! but since they screened me for it, of course i wanted it! but then i think i screwed the scholarship part cuz i think i gave them the impression that i did not want it! ahhhh.

okay. today cw msged me back from army! he's a sniper! but there's news. haha his unit damn sick. there's a guy that got jailed for having sex with an underaged, and another is on trial for raping his neighbour le! =X was shocked at that.
anyway, more important thing, cw must take care! don't injure yourself again!

hmm.

bought donuts today. it's not bad la. the dough is nice! =) but the craze of queueing for so long? it's probably cuz there's only one donut shop that's acceptably nice in singapore. should get people to bring in j. co and krispy creme donuts here!

at jujull's house now.. hehe. been slacking for almost whole day here. then when mellin came, took some photos with the macbook camera. haha. had lotsa fun playing around with the effects. i love apple computers! =)

hmm.. so tomorrow will be tai-tais in-the-making session with mahjong, and bridge! hehe. then indochine saturday night! =)

okie. go play with camera and watch tv le. hehe. byeee~

7-1

2007-04-18T12:09:00.001+08:00

i just haveeeeee to post about this. although its quite, well, outdated.

but i just read this off someone's blog today, regarding manchester united's thrashing of roma: totti cried because of that fateful match, which he considers to be the 'saddest' game in his career.

hmm. haha. sorry to roma's/totti's fans, but yea.

i still have to do alot of things that i mentally made a list of. but haven't gotten to doing because of, well, in the don't-feel-like-doing-anything mood again. very stagnant.

sunday seems quite far away..

and, am waiting to watch the fa cup finals may19!!

whoosh.

oh, and yes, i dreamt of something on monday morning when i woke up, and fell back to sleep again. it's one of those dreams that you can never tell anyone. but the thrill.. haha. its fun. anyone wanna guess? hehe.

yes, one more thing, please let me do that during this long holiday break. please please, cuz it's my dream.

the match

2007-02-01T14:26:00.000+08:00

san, i beg to differ. the second semi-final leg with malaysia, that was a glorious win. malaysia's goal was the un-glamorous one. it wasn't supposed to go in anyway. nonetheless, the red lions fought till the very end, finally with a penalty kick save by lionel lewis, which well, saved the day for the lions. =)

of yesterday's first leg of the finals duel of singapore against thailand, the lions, well, made some mistakes and screwed some opportunities, but i could see the passion burning in them. the thais, it was so wrong of them to walk off the pitch. big no-no. whether noh alam was fouled or not, the referee's decision was final, salute to the referee who stood by his decision.

well, he had to.

my nose is stuffed.

i'm starting to dislike the thought of working in big companies. what with all the one big family stuff. since when. i have this thinking they like to paint rosy pictures of the benefits their staff get. of course, it's all about marketing. big companies do have their fair share of pros, with the prestige, stability and all. but when it comes to newbies like me, small companies seem more warm and cosy. i guess its less 'corporate', and it'd be nice if everyone knew everyone.

how i wish the world was a dream-world fantasy where everything was sugar, spice and everything nice.

dxo.

2007-01-30T01:26:00.000+08:00

maybe the best way out of the whole situation was to stay away from all the action. that might have been the best way out, to salvage whatever that would be left. maybe God truly had this plan. on january 6th.. i truly cherished that day. when we could reconnect and pick up from where we left off. and what you said to me that day.. it truly warmed me so much. i hope something will come out from all of this.. i don't want to let go of such a friendship. i miss you too.

anyway, went to dxo today. chilled with wenjie siewhan vanessa. aileen, as usual, is perpetually busy. bish. talked about the past.. about the present. and dug up old scandals. haha! looking forward to the next! =)

please let me stop looking back at regrets and help me look forward to a promising and meaningful life ahead. =)

i think that's what happens when i suddenly become free from work. and my mind starts to think of things. people, enjoy the months you have before uni! you won't get a chance like this anymore! take time off to do something out of the ordinary!

live thrice

2007-01-27T14:19:00.000+08:00

i think we all are similar in one way or another. about how we take risks. don't know if its entirely based on the heart. but sometimes, life is about taking risks. for affairs of the heart, i don't think we stand to lose. for if anything fails, at least we know we seized the chance, and i'm damn sure we obtained some happiness out of that period in time when everything was working well. we only live once, do we?

speaking of living once, some people hope to live twice. i'm being more than a little greedy here. but i wished we could live thrice. if you had a decision to make and you had two choices, and you had to weigh the pros and cons of each, you could have chosen one path in your first life and went on to see the consequences.. then in your next life, choose the second path, and witness the consequences.. then in your third and final life, you get to choose which path you would have preferred. i really wish to know the outcome of the one potential choice i had back then.

would that be labelled a regret in life to know that you didn't choose one of the the two potential choices in mind?

but if everything works out, and i mean in every aspect, i will know this was God's plan.
i want to have the cake and eat it too. [is this correct?]

and yes, i'm starting to think office work is mundane and well, almost carries no meaning. i want to get to interact with people. you know the feeling you get when you bring joy to someone's life no matter how small the deed you did and they appreciate and thank you for that? i think that's invaluable. i wonder if the hotel industry is one path i could take?

home.

2006-12-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

stayed home the whole of today. did some talking with julia. and then started reminiscing. oh the good old days in anderson. how i miss them so badly. how we would have two breaks each day and hop around from classroom to classroom, sometimes sneakily eating in there. when everyone was a close-knit kinda thing, when everyone knew almost everyone. when the class would be happy when the teacher turns up late (especially for physics when DM Mr Ang would always be busy handling discipline cases or stuff). and where physics always took up the last period of the day, and people would be staring blankly into space when he 'thinks' we're listening intently. well, he knows better. and always tries to make jokes when people would go, diao~

when we would play carom in each other's classrooms. those memories. they never fade.
when our batch brought glory to the school. when AMB achieved their golden dream. when we went through thick and thin together, the cries, the laughter, we all went through. when we would play midnight basketball, or just sit by the field.

with cw's mini concert in 4/1, just beside our classroom. with ken's talking of us being elites. with k3's bursts of laughter. when we would laugh at how we behaved when we look back. with aileen's and my chitchats during chinese lesson. with mr king chye! and mr kwok's fabulous english lessons and mrs lim's unsurpassed way of teaching geog.

* looking at people's photos, we see how they've changed. how they've moved on. how they've led their lives. how they've had fun. when we would meet again, and fill one another in our lives.

our paths may have diverged as people get busier with their lives,
but we all came from the same tree - andss.

the place i call home.

back.

2006-12-16T00:00:00.000+08:00

i am back. was supposed to write about the stuff i did for the whole week, was supposed to sound happy. but now i am burdened with two things. everytime there is unfinished business beckoning me to come up with a decision or a solution, i would feel so heavy, so stressed. that i can't seem to focus on anything else.

everything was so rushed. damnit.

should i go or not??? ARGH.

shopping.

2006-12-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

been shopping for the past.. eh. let me think. 3 days? my poor feet. the soles are aching. i need a break mann. and, got my knee-length dress yesterday.. and my heels today. thanks to aileen who reminded me there's phuture london to look for dresses! so, i think that's all i need. oh, and i finally bought my nike sneakers i've been eyeing for so long! =) and i think, i should take a break from spending for quite a while. it's quite, eh, scary. haha.

it's been a week since exams are over, and i haven't done anything much, except, buying the stuff that i need for next week. and yeah, i just wanna have a cuppa at starbucks or coffee bean, look out the window in the comfort of the sofa, just watch people go by.. or watch some show on a notebook.. ahh. care to do that with me? no more studying there. for the moment. haha.

i penned the lyrics myself: (no no, i didn't write this song. i listened to the music and typed out the lyrics, cuz i couldn't find the lyrics!) not going to put the whole chunk of lyrics here. if you want them get them from me! i took quite long to pen it down lei! haha =P

here's a peek:

till tomorrow, is just a little step away.
we'll be there, as long as you believe in love again.
why must we still be waiting, well please don't keep me waiting,
cuz i know that we're waiting, waiting for that happiness.

don't walk away. just take a look.
soon you will find, life’s really good~

life is good - nathan hartono

christmas

2006-11-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

finally got a chance to dine at outback steakhouse. haha. okay ba the food. but one thing worries me lei. i ate at pho hoa in the afternoon at 2+pm and then at 4+pm i got hungry again. and then dinner ate till 8+ but then tummy felt empty again at 10-11+. i'm scared i have an acidic stomach! and, there's a type of bacteria that resides and thrives in a highly acidic condition in the tummy! =X

finally, found back my christmas song that has been lost from my music library for so long! hee.

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you

All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey.

another nice christmas song! My Only Wish - Britney Spears. seems like christmas has become an occasion for couples.

wonder if mount faber's christmas special is magical enough? haha. but the thought of having dinner in the cable car, with the pretty christmas lights, ooh! haha.

"every christmas should be more special than the previous one" - taken from delifrance's menu. haha.

a chapter of my life

2006-11-23T23:42:00.000+08:00

today marked the end of another chapter in my life. well, it's a mixture of happy and sad feelings i must say.

went to read something off the net from a webbie cw gave.. that whole list. i think we almost did all. i think it came naturally to us.

things are so near.. yet so far. when will i see the light?

i'm so bushed. zzz~

lit!

2006-11-21T13:18:00.000+08:00

i just changed my blogskin yesterday and i found a nice blogskin today. its very chrismas-y and nice! http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=119574&action=Preview here it is if you wanna go see it.

if there was a subject on literature (songs) i think i would have taken it. it's interesting! though i wouldn't know what to do with that. speaking of that, i still like like literature. i miss lit!

dreams, they speak of your subconscious mind.

i want a lovely christmas.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

dreaming of you - selena.

red ipod

2006-11-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

hey you've got to check this out man!! http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/red/ (can't seem to get the pic up here)

a red ipod nano! 4gb. and i realized can store photos. so, i think i will get the 4gb one. and it saves me from thinkin whether i should get blue or green or whatever. RED nano is the prettiest! oooh.

back!

2006-11-20T16:13:00.000+08:00

a conversation with daddy not long ago:

daddy: did you drink ginseng today?
me: ya.. got.. in the morning..
sure or not.. i ask mommy already she say she never prepare for you..
huh?then what was that thing i drank in the morning?
how do i know..

...

actually i bluff you one. i never check with mommy. .....

dotsss

one more paper to go. i think this whole A level thing is soo nerve-wrecking. i've never felt so anxious and worried before for any exams. i think the whole pressure of having to get the best to open doors to your future finally sets in. it's like, do or die kinda thing.

was supposed to go to jakarta over the coming weekend. thought could shop for dresses over there or something. but daddy's coming over this weekend. so. yeah.

so many things to do! i wanna learn sewing, cooking blah blah. time to lead a more meaningful life. haha.

but first, must clear my shopping list!
-my precious moments bible
-dress
-clothes+accessories!
-shoes/heels etc
-wallet.
-ipod nano+leather casing!

then places that i wanna go:
hongkong
bangkok
beach resort!
cruise?

but, might not even go these places. in the end, my dad will probably choose the place. haha. when can i ever go maldives? haha.

and i feel like changing my hairstyle, but to what?

it's been such a long time since i've blogged that i feel weird. kinda lost the feel of it. bleahs.

songs.

2006-10-16T19:41:00.000+08:00

ok. came to post for two songs. songs currently on my fave list. lips of an angel. which uncanny resembles something so much. don't know if it's coincidence or what. maybe it happens to alot of people. hmm. but ain't putting the lyrics for that. putting this one instead:

Can't Let Go - Landon Pigg

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed
Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just
Never had a chance to grow.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past

class.

2006-01-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

a class might not be perfect. nonetheless we still have the ability to love it. cuz love overlooks the flaws. "love is not blind, it just sees what matters" whatever that happens we're all in it together. well, at least for those who care. as long as our conscience is clear, we have no need to answer for anything.

[but then its easier said than done]

2005-12-07T20:40:00.000+08:00

people tell lies when they are afraid.. afraid of what they don't know.. afraid of what others will think.. afraid of what will be found out about us. but everytime people tell lies.. the fear grows stronger. don't be a person whohas to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

what would you do if everytime you fell in love you had to say goodbye?
what would you do if you loved someone more than ever but you couldn't have them?

anyway, i remember geoff telling me that his class can organize a last minute (and a very last minute one at that) outing and TEN people turn up. TEN people take the trouble to TURN UP. at this rate we're going, i don't think we can pool enough people for a chalet. cuz there are just some people who never fail to don't turn up. and then when you organize something and it seems like a failure, the organizer would obviously be sad. i've been in that position. i've invited people to a certain thing and if they don't seem interested/ happy at that event, i take it upon myself although i didn't organize the events, i merely invited the people. so can people imagine how upsetting it is for the organizer?

lay in bed last night.. thinking.. and thinking. thinking how inferior i was. bahh. maybe no one will understand. nowadays, it takes me almost an hour to fall asleep.

how many people cry behind closed doors?

nobody sees the tears as they are wept,
in the night as cold as death.
only the howls of (___) be heard,
as toss and turns accompany (___) to nocturnal sleep.

ok.. maybe i can't be shakespeare. >.< color="#ff99ff">
the simplicity of the complex. yet, the complexity (is there such a word?) of the simple.

i want my strawberry with whipped cream.
1. dunk
2. slurp
3. lick
4. bite into the strawberry

ooh. heavenly

2005-12-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

it was just this morning that i thought i had changed since that time.. that i learnt to be sensitive to people's worry.. like when i don't answer their calls.. and just plainly ignore them cuz of my frustration at them.. and all.. well i guess i improved.. but i still lack that certain something to make it better..

just wasn't in a very good mood.. mood swings i guess.. and then some moron old woman just had to cut the taxi queue.. and when the security guard told her to move to the back.. she wouldn't budge! wth?! who does she think she is. i would have soooooooo wanted that guard to drag that woman to the back of the queue -.- and also some people trying to cut the queue too. (although i wasn't even in the queue) i felt so piqued. like wth? i guess it's these instances which drive me to present the bad side of me in public when i get freakingly out of my mind.

anyway.. was watching table tennis match just now.. li jia wei lacks sportsmanship i must say. haha.. that's what i think.. quite bad tempered too.. =X

maybe this word is overrated. nevertheless..

sorry.

AHHH

2005-11-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

hey i just realized i have 43 blog posts already.. if i include this it would be 44. hmm not bad.. quite alot. considering i used to think blogs were crap =P

went to picnic with meh meh today. and ooooooh crapper i freaking TOUCHED A RED WORM crawling on his pants!!! ahhhhhhh i freaked out sooooooo bad i was jumping up and down and i think my heartbeat rate shot up. and i started having this bad paranoia that some creepy crawly could be crawling around my bag or around me. yucks. my left middle finger touched it. YUCKS i don't even know what freaking thing that was. i only know i think it had two feelers and legs and was red. if i didn't see wrongly cuz it was quite dark 7+pm le under the shelter. ahhhhhhhh. cold bloodies.

i feel like partying and dancing!! every other time rocks! LFO rocks! =D

i think some people are weird. they're like angry at themselves for what they did wrong and then they start to behave so weirdly and start blaming other people? oh please. get a life! lamers -.- -ok hold my tongue- i backspaced lotsa stuff le. bahhs.

two S papers?

2005-11-24T15:45:00.000+08:00

went to jog 2km yesterday. first time in suchhhhhhh a long time. and did 60 sit ups. i think i've never done so many in a day before. wheet. must start my exercise regime. then read on mind your body that you need at least 150 mins of physical exercise every week to reduce cancer. so must exercise!

wonder if its a good thing being accepted for two S papers. plus its the weird combi of chem and econs. people usually take maths and chem. i seem to like things that are different. bahhs. but never mind.. i love myself =) as seen from my blogskin. haha. hmm these 2 S papers can do two extreme things to me, either i will have to sacrifice time for these two extra hard stuffs and result in bad results for certain subs.. or i will push myself to START work and challenge myself and churn out good results as a result. but i need time to read TIME and STRAITS TIMES! im so lazy la. plus it aint helping that i have such a niceee bed! =D daddy says don't challenge myself too hard.. must enjoy life. must enjoy jc life. (but i got challenge myself till so extreme mehz?) i think i enjoy one year liao. julia who has known me for 4 yrs says she has never seen me so slack before. hmm. never before have i burnt midnight oil.. never have i been sooooo last minute. but then as always i switch myself off in class.. i can be staring at the teacher and not getting any info in. so if i take S paper, maybe i will push myself to be hardworking. but then.. i want to enjoy life and play play and SLEEP! don't know la.. take everything one step at a time.. see what happens. i hope the best happens. miracles work.. right? i can make miracles. =) must believe..

beautiful night.

2005-11-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

hmm.. today geoff asked me one question: what's the purpose of a relationship? what's the meaning of being together? and what's the final outcome of it?

i thought for a moment and i came up with this.. it takes another person who loves you and who you love to complement you for who you are.. and the final outcome is to share a lifetime of commitment and everlasting love together. that person should be someone you love deeply and who you can bare your heart to..someone who makes you feel special and who makes you feel that he/she is so special that there is no replacement..

tonight was a very special night.. you and me under the night sky.. with the breeze gently caressing our cheeks.. with your warm embrace.. you make everything so beautiful and sweet.

my dreams

2005-11-17T22:21:00.000+08:00

i'm scared of what the future may hold for me.. i'm scared of major changes.. i'm scared of the unknown. i'm scared of the unpredictable. which means, i'm scared of life itself because 'life is unpredictable' darn it. i really am scared at times.

i lie awake in bed every night, thinking of the possibilities of everything to come. ok that was bullshit. but sometimes i think of the worst that can happen. sometimes, i think i worry too much. i'm scared.

i'm scared of losing everything that i hold close to my heart right now.. i'm scared of changes. i don't want anything to change. at least not the good ones. what if i break a heart? what if i get my heart broken? i want my fairytale. i want my dreams to come true. are my dreams big? that quiz i did online was true.. i dream of a beautiful future.. but i worry if i will achieve it. i don't want disappointment. i hate disappointment. i don't want it anymore. go away. >.<

i dream to find true love that is everlasting. i dream to spend my life with the man that i truly love and who truly loves me and cares for me, for who i am. cuz i believe in true and everlasting love, and i want to be able to experience it. i believe in love. a true believer. love, is a blessing. i dream to be a.. manager.. or something along that line. and a successful one at that. i dream to be happy.. i dream to live in my beautiful sweet home. i dream. i dream. i dream that i will become a very good mother, and daughter, and wife. ok that was a screwed up order. it should have been daughter, wife, then mother. i dream to be able to balance work, play and family well.. that is work and social life. i dream to have a son first, then a daughter. (cuz i've always wanted an elder bro) i dream, i dream. i dream that my parents will support me in whatever i deem right to do.. and that they will live to see me grow up and be successful, and see me happy. i dream i dream. oh Lord please grant me my wishes. please. is it alot to dream for?

i want my child-like innocence back. is naiveness an innocence? -the child-like laughter.

2005-11-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

did another blogthings.com quiz on birth order predictor. so true, im the only child:

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated.At work and school, you do best when you're organizing.When you love someone, you tend to worry about them.In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic.Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management.You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

true on the finance and management part. but leave my mark on the world as an author of self-help books?! man!

at what price would you sell out? $1,123,950. what?! i'm only worth slightly more than a million? darn.

2005-11-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

i think i'm a very emotional person. i cry watching sad or touching movies, especially that of love. i pity the hungry lil kitten who got bullied by a small boy while trying to munch on a chicken. i even feel for people who have hurt me. that's what a soft heart does to me, i guess.

and just now, on the bus on the way to tampines.. something set me off.. my nose turned sour for a moment. (if you know what i mean) i held back and calmed myself down. from time to time, i've always thought of the 'what ifs'. but there aint gonna be anymore what ifs. i miss the times when he would say "ling ling baik baik ya" (ling ling take care ok). i miss it all. what if.

yong2 yuan3 you3 duo1 yuan3?

from a girl who hated pink, to a girl who slowly loved pink, to a girl who slowly diverted her likes to a shade of purple pink. that's me. from a girl that took hours to eat a meal when she was young and who craved for food every two hours, to a girl with a hearty appetite. that's me.

watched along came polly on vcd today.. i just lovee jennifer aniston. no doubt about that. maN. she's the typical girl-next-door but in a way, gorgeous, and sexy.

i hate people who pester me and don't know their limits. go away. i've had enough.

blog

2005-11-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

got this webbie from sushi's bloggie.. found this interesting test result:

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorableEven a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's lifeBy giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

2005-11-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

call me unreasonable. i am unreasonable. i'm as unpredictable as the..umm, weather? are you gonna bear with it?

he gives all sorts of emotions . happiness sadness anger laughter anxiousness jealousy blah blah blah. forgot what i want to type le. ciao.

2005-11-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

memoirs of a geisha the movie comin out soon! i saw in yahoo! movies. wah. so many to watch neh. yesterday i watched sky high. man that was a totally cool show. its like so entertaining.

luck for our OP! =D gonna be my first time working this thu fri and sat. hope i don't screw anything. haha. wine tasting. wheeeeeet. haha. now i must find clothes to wear as the uniform. darn. ok lazy type liao cya~

refined.

2005-11-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

hmm.. share quite alot of sentiments with sushi.. sometimes people don't say what they mean.. i used to believe it.. and sometimes it disappoints me.. =X learnt to live with it anyway.. and thus some people say im naive. it's a good thing if you think about it though. haha. but then there are still some people who keep by their word.. =) thanks to those who do so..

got people say i'm refined again! wahaha.. haven't changed all these years.. still called a 'refined' lady. =D but then actually there are two sides of me.. i can be very quiet and shy, i can be noisy and high. i can be refined and can be aggressive when my temper gets the better of me, or when i feel like it. the fighting spirit you see.

read a book from kinokuniya today.. the author writes columns for local newspapers. she was saying it's not a bad thing to reminisce.. and its better to hold on to the sweet memories than to stay awkward friends. quite true.

drank red wine again. the taste was strong. its like i could feel the alcohol evaporating from the surface or something when i was drinking it. haha. and its not like i asked for it. they asked me to drink it. thus, adults are a bad influence. haha.

statistics

2005-11-05T14:54:00.000+08:00

some interesting poll results: (my answers are in blue)

"do you talk to the tv?" not really i guess, haha.
Yes 64.4% vs No 35.6%

"Do you look like your mom or dad?" dad?
33.2%
both
27.4%
mom
23.8%
dad
15.7%
neither

"Can you fall in love to a picture of somebody?" no
59.7%
no
40.3%
yes

"Would you rather be stranded in an island with your cellphone or food?" hee.. food. and i'll find my way back home.
51.7%
food
48.3%
cellphone

"Are you friendly to other people even when you're in a bad mood?" not really.
52.1%
no
47.9%
yes

"Life has its ups and downs. Where are you at now?" in between. more on the up i guess. =)
46%
in between
29.9%
a down
24.2%
an up

how about you? =)

2005-11-05T12:53:00.000+08:00

there's always two sides to a coin.. sometimes i wonder what it would be like if there were no choices to be made in life. that everything would be laid out (nicely?) for you in life and that you have no choice but to accept whatever that comes your way. but they always says its the welfare of everyone to be able to choose, a blessing. true. but then you incur an opportunity cost for every choice you make. and sometimes the opportunity cost is just about as great as that of the first choice you decide to make, but of course not equal.

you cant live life through vague probablities alone. - read it from somewhere.

last night (or rather this morning) i had a dream that me and melmel my cousin was cooking jap food.. those fried stuff.. then nad nad was pouring scrambled egg onto something to cook it too. it was so real eating those stuff ok. that i woke up expecting the fried potato in my mouth. darn.
and i also had another weird dream, but now i forgot what it is.

today's romance in reality is far from those in fairytales. that's probably the reason why people yearn so much to have a fairytale ending.. -translated from a chinese thing i read from a cd..

what is love? "love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired" that definition gives a negative light to this beautiful word love! then what is love? love is the feeling when you walk on clouds, touch the star and bring them down. no.. we cant walk on clouds nor can we touch the star.. then how do we attain love? love is an illusion. no.. [everything also cannot. you come up with your own definition lah! -.- ]

let there be no ending to our story. even as the pages of the notebook are filled to the maximum, our story will go on and on. even as the pages of the notebook fade away, we will not fade into oblivion. as the swans in the pond continue to wade, we too, shall wade our way into a never-ending romance that entails a fairytale ending--

when you tell me that you love me

2005-11-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

hmm. maybe i should listen to fate for once. since my computer nor my dad's laptop cant get me to access that blog, i should stop defying orders and STOP accessing that blog. does me good. does everyone on my side good. hmm. curiosity kills the cat. can someone suppress my overwhelming curiosity?

i want to go and SING my lungs out! karaoke anyone? hurry hurry i cant wait! *beams*

when you tell me that you love me

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

whatever.

2005-11-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

just got scolded. yes i wanted the class to be more bonded.. but i thought that when we celebrate birthdays it was girls only? =X ok maybe i should feedback about it..
i thought they didn't bother about it what. ok some wouldn't bother, but on the other hand some would bother. and those that bother are those i actually care more about. ahh. haiz.

i so easily make people mad mehz? whatever.

qi's 17th birthday

2005-11-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

im sleepy yet i don't wanna sleep.. went to PS and istana park to celebrate qi's birthday just now.. took lotsa pics and scared ourselves quite abit just now -.- happy 17th birthday! =)

sick, tired.mentally and physically. no, i mean not mentally sick, just physically.

t__ts__ is the cutest thing i've ever met. haha. t__ts__ makes me realize how easy it is to fall in love.. =)

watched a cinderella story just now on hbo.. nice typical fairytale. mm.. can reality always mirror fairytales and have a happy ending like ' and they lived happily ever after' and you close the book. those snobbish rich girls think they're the most beautiful things on earth and just throw themselves at men thinking the men love them to bits. oh puhh-lease. love aint all about superficial stuff.. it's about the inner being that you show.. that's what makes you beautiful.

speaking of superficial, i was thinking a clique, a gang, a boyfriend/girlfriend is just a name you give to groups of people/someone. maybe a couple who is in love always hangs out together, but aren't officially boyfriend-girlfriend.. it doesn't matter that much does it? what matters is how they feel for each other. how they make each other special, and knowing where they stand in each other's heart. see the inner being, not what people label you.

am i soft hearted? i didn't know it was so hard to reject someone.. especially not right in the face. but then the truth always hurts right. but i've already told you the truth dammit. why can't you understand it dammit? stop trying to run away from reality. my heart's too small to have more than that one special one for me. and there ain't gonna be a replacement.

zzz..

2005-10-31T22:35:00.000+08:00

oh thursday i went bowling at marina superbowl. guess what. i got my first turkey ever!! triple strikes wa seh. haha. final score 138. mm.. one of my highest ba. =D then got diminishing returns after that. 124 and 83. =X haha.

anyway, i think im falling sick. but i wanna go sentosa tomorrow. i shall go ba.. bless me.

and. kindly pay attention to this. i will not regret my choice. i cant believe i have to say such things here. never did i think that i would stoop till like this. its gone. im deceiving no one. maybe you're the one deceiving yourself. aint no turning back. "over means over" familiar?

random.

2005-10-23T21:35:00.000+08:00

just some random thoughts for tonight.. while listening to slow music. has anyone ever felt that they feel the need to tell anyone how they feel.. but at the same time you also don't want anyone to know.. and also even if you can think of someone to speak to you don't want to cuz you already know what kind of reaction you would be given? cuz like you're running away from reality and you just don't want anyone to say it right in your face. you just wanna shut your face to any so-called advice people would try to give you. hmms. its so easy to tell people things, but yet so hard to make them understand your predicament.

i seriously cannot fathom how the heart works. they say the heart is too small for one to actually love more than one person, in that aspect. then how does one actually tell who they love more? sometimes your mind is clouded by confusion, or intoxicated so much so that you can't tell, or make decisions and not regret it later. clouded misjudgement, as someone calls it.

"i've got my share of sand kicked in the face." - quoted from chee wei's nick. life.. can be full of sh*t. but you just gotta move on. if i was pessimistic, i think i wouldn't have survived all the embarrassment / suan-ing that i've gotten my whole life. yes i do make a fool out of myself. everyone does. the only difference is how they handle it.

anyway, who says there's freedom of speech? freedom of speech? ahh. bullsh*t. do you like to hear things you don't want to hear?

ahh. music. i want the cd that i heard at that cd shop. i want it sooo bad! emma! her voice is crystal clear and ohh. the songs melt my heart. i WANT it. can someone find it for me? damn. i guessed so.

on letting go.. [another random thought] =P whoever said that letting go was easy? sometimes unconsciously, one may find it sneakily slipping into your mind again.

anyway, i've got my priorities set in life. i know who/what's more important than who/what. am i making any sense? aiya.

i cant wait to go chill out at the pub. with the soothing music playing in the background.

sometimes i think im so greedy. i want this kind of life, i want that kind of life.. ahh. shall not delve deeper into this.

clarke quay

2005-10-23T16:15:00.000+08:00

how great. i clicked on publish post then next page goes: search the web. nice. anyway, in the end i watched flight plan. nice show. had a twist near the end. quite interesting. couldn't eat my popcorn properly, kept dropping it. 8 popcorns. haha. seat number: 11 + 12. mmm.

spent lotsa time at best denki fooling around. playing with every single thing you could name, cookers, players, cameras, phones, gigantic hairdryers, shavers, facsimiles. everything. fun. watched monsters, inc. jack jack from incredibles and 3 disney ducks having a sad face behind bars. very cute. haha.

did anyone realize.. Singtel, MobileOne and Starhub all form the abbreviation SMS? =P

yesterday morning, chee wei said some wise words to me. made me come to my senses. with higher authority, the best thing to do is: when they are talkin useful stuffs, listen. when they're not, just shut your ears. just because they are higher authority doesn't necessarily mean they know everything. sometimes you have to take the rap for things you didn't do. "as long as you can face your conscience, so be it. your only fault is oversleeping. but the responsibility wise, its bullshit." thanks man. i gotta learn to be less sensitive to such attacks. still got a looong way to go.. bahhs.

anyway, today i saw this guy wearin a shirt with some meaningful quote.. cant remember exactly.. but the jist is something like freedom of speech means having the right to say the words that other people don't like to hear.

drank rum today. niceee. just a few more months and i can drink alcohol legally! hee. 18 years how fast.

anyway, i just realized, even from jakarta to singapore you can also get culture shock. what more going across the globe. hmms.

oh.. yesterday night.. very special. =) by the river, under the moonlight. when everything else around gets drowned out, everything else around me loses its focus, cuz you're the only star in my eye. =)

-23.10.2005-
as the rose petals drift away from the shore.. we hope you can hear our hopes, wishes and prayers for you.. and that we hope you know you will be remembered, in our hearts, forever.

hadapi dengan senyuman

2005-10-22T12:04:00.000+08:00

"hadapi dengan senyuman" - face it with a smile.

i tried. but i failed. i controlled. but it was all in vain. it came, it dropped. like raindrops. wth?! screwer. basket basket basket. hate myself for breaking down right there. how could it happen. i guess it all came tumbling down on me and i couldn't break free, anymore.

is it fate that something always crops up when we wanna meet? like there's never a whole day free. or maybe i'm just not trying hard enough. yea. i should believe in fate.. so now must watch flight plan [fight pan =P] on another day.

sometimes i just want to know what guys are thinking.. for their every word they say.. for their every action they do. sometimes.. i can't fathom. but sometimes.. i guess its better left unknown. ignorance, may be bliss. after all.

one down, two more to go. but then for the other one right, i think.. hopeless la.

superficial _____.

last night was bitching with kelly. haha bad i know.. but it was fun.lets out frustrations.

rahhh

2005-10-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

a guy thinks of sex on an average of every eight minutes. yes. eight minutes! how could it be? that's the average time i think of food! -.- no la. fascinating anot? please say yes.

lost my pink pencil case today.. panicked. then sushi called her friend to help me find at LT2. guess i left it there after bio lect. then lisan and sushi went "its fate". nooooooo~ i refuse to give in to fate. in the end, i got it back. i wonder what God's trying to say.

hmm.. sometimes i complain then people think i too serious they think i very sad. actually no la. i where got so pessimistic de.. just complain to feel a teeny wheeny bit better only ma. haha. but then, sometimes its real la. feel so pek cek sometimes. grrrr..

rahhhhh. i want my chemistry prowess back. >.<>must sleep early. i learnt my lesson, papa and mama.

anyway, i was thinking.. if it continues to be like this, i wonder if it can withstand time and other factors.. cuz its like always so near yet so far lei. so unreachable. =X cuz i figured i always want to make the best of things and what i feel is really very strong. when i do something, i want to make it last. forever. and i mean it. so.. since its very important to me, i GOTTA FREAKIN DO SOMETHING! but how lei?

lisan: how could you scold yourself stupid?! you're not stupid okie? =)

rahh

2005-10-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

a guy thinks of sex on an average of every eight minutes. yes. eight minutes! how could it be? that's the average time i think of food! -.- no la. fascinating anot?

lost my pink pencil case today.. panicked. then sushi called her friend to help me find at LT2. guess i left it there after bio lect. then lisan and sushi went "its fate". nooooooo~ i refuse to give in to fate. in the end, i got it back. i wonder what God's trying to say.

hmm.. sometimes i complain then people think i too serious they think i very sad. actually no la. i where got so pessimistic de.. just complain to feel a teeny wheeny bit better only ma. haha. but then, sometimes its real la. feel so pek cek sometimes. grrrr..

rahhhhh. i want my chemistry prowess back. >.<>must sleep early. i learnt my lesson, papa and mama.

anyway, i was thinking.. if it continues to be like this, i wonder if it can withstand time and other factors.. cuz its like always so near yet so far lei. so unreachable. =X cuz i figured i always want to make the best of things and what i feel is really very strong. when i do something, i want to make it last. forever. and i mean it. so.. since its very important to me, i GOTTA FREAKIN DO SOMETHING! but how lei?

lisan: how could you scold yourself stupid?! you're not stupid okie? =)

april snow

2005-10-16T15:33:00.000+08:00

still at my cousin's house.. woke up at 2pm today.. cuz i slept at 4+am yesterday.. went to watch midnight show 1145pm april snow. omg.. sooo slow-paced soo boring. "what a nice movie.." -.- supposed to be heart-wrenching.. but then i guess the slow pace was, uhh.. too much. haha. hmm.. but then the phrase april snow.. quite nice.. don't really know what's the hidden meaning of the end of the show.. maybe it shows that they were meant to be but then cuz of the responsibilities the guy had with the wife (that cheated on him)..they cant be together. quite sad actually come to think of it.

then after the show went to eat at coffee club near the california fitness centre.. actually i didn't order anything.. but then after seeing them eat. i was like.. eh i think im hungry so i ordered.. then omg order came already i regret ordering. -.- but no choice so i ate. was very nice talking there and it was not very crowded.. cuz it was already 3+am.. then we decided to walk walk walk to the bus stop behind wheelock place to take NR home.. wah.. wait until we perspire like mad. sorta slept on the way back.. then went home wash face brush teeth change clothes and was already lying on the bed. then slept at 4+am.. haha.

on the way to cathay before that right.. mel went "what happened to you ah.. stop eating la" i was lk omg. really eating so much mehz. haiz i guess so.. my love for food grew bigger. hmm.. but then i guess it was lack of exercise la. ahhh must exercise.

anyway.. mel cooked fried rice for us.. hmm.. quite nice la. =P she's beside me playin maple now. haha.. reminds me.. maybe i should try franson's fried rice.. since he says his family likes it.. hmm..

was supposed to go home at 3+ but now is already gonna be 4 soon. haha aiya.. anyway supposed to watch meet the fockers. maybe later go and watch. so lazy go home.. from clementi to sengkang lei. so loong mrt ride.. *sob*

volleyball

2005-10-15T20:00:00.000+08:00

bloggin at my cousin's house now.. been staying over since fri evenin.. after ny open house. v fun! cuz i played vball match, lil bit of tennis and also table tennis match. and tonight i'll be watching midnight show april snow.. =) quite fun here cuz no adults.. all went back jakarta.. so me mel and jul settle our own stuffs here. haha.

hmm.. presenting S10B's volleyball team.....
[jane][beijia][valerie][chai kee][sharon][evelyn]

we rock our socks! haha.. we're the best newcomer team! haha.. we had to play against a team with all pro vballers.. and a team with 4 guys and brenda and another pro vballer. ahh.. but nvm v fun! at least i didn't screw up my chance to serve.. cuz it was already 14-5, and then i was about to serve. so if i screw that serve that's the end. haha.. not bad.. cuz we checked out the score board and then we saw that the scores were 0:15, 15:0 for the other teams but then we had like at least 15:2 and 15:4, and considering that we were playing against pro vballers.. not bad eh. haha.. to beijia: its not your fault kay.. we're a WE not an I.. WE are a team. =)

then played table tennis match.. hmm.. played against chee tat.. knowin i will lose la.. like duhh~ haha..he give one smack i die liao. wahaha.. but anyway just play my best la try to hit the ball.. but not stressed up at all. haha.. then ok lost.. then play doubles with cynthia against kiyoko and yu zhi.. capt and v capt lei. aiya but then nvm doubles more fun and challenging.. got one set we almost won! ahh. haha..

then later play singles with danni.. didnt get trashed badly.. i won one set! haha.. then the rest quite close lo.. aiya. i think i improved le.. at least i think so. haha. the teacher said i played well today.. =)

zhiyang gave me pink heart balloon with a star inside! haha.. thank you! =) but now.. the balloon is almost out of shape.. =X but i'll keep it.. somewhere safe in my heart. i wont break it.. i promise =)

today went njc open house.. saw lotsa people =) then gave tinghui and gwenda their belated bday prezzies.. too bad aL not there.. oh..i saw yiting. poke her from behind.. she turn around.. saw me.. jump off her seat and came to me. haha.. feels kinda good talkin to her again. anyway, wanted to find louis.. but he went off early cuz got fever. damn. haha. he thot i not coming le or something. he said want treat me to movie to compensate. i was like what? since when were you so generous? haha.. aiya maybe say say only.

volleyball is fun fun fun! we shall go sentosa to play again! wheeee~

ok.. to that person who knows what i'm talking about.. we shall go borders again to finish reading that very interesting book. wahaha..

anyway.. ciao~

random facts

2005-10-13T14:18:00.000+08:00

i so kid mehz.. children's day ppl say its MY day. haha.. but nvm.. good to be young. =) then always got ppl call me kiddo.. and stuffs. haha.. anyway.. decided to do this:

random facts about evelyn
1. i love 05s10b
2. i love eating
3. but recently am trying to cut down
4. cuz am afraid of losing shape
5. i love the violin
6. i love music
7. cant live without it
8. i love the beach, the sun, the waves
9. i like quiet places, especially at night
10. i love the moon and the stars
11. i love to sleep
12. i love my family and cousins =D
13. i love my fwens
14. i love you*
15. people call me kiddo, lil piggy
16. i love the night secnery, what with the skyline and twinkling city lights
17. i love a candlelit dinner
18. i love anything to do with romance
19. i have sudden urges and moods
20. i love romance comedies. nth can beat that.
21. i love slumber parties.
22. i love a wide array of songs
23. my favourite number. [no hidden meaning]
24. i want to go changi beach and spend the night there and just count the planes
25. i want to go paris, switzerland, (actually everywhere of europe), maldives (before it sinks!) hawaii, bali (its heavenly.. but.. basket la), canada, hongkong, japan.. aiya. i want to tour the world.
26. i want to go paris for my honeymoon. ooh~
27. i love sports. especially volleyball, tennis, blah blah.
28. i love bowling.. *miss those times*
29. i can be very fascinated over the slightest things. =)
30. the list stops here. haha.

ONE!

2005-10-12T00:03:00.000+08:00

i know its my 3rd time bloggin for the day.. but who gives? i stayed home the whole day it gave me a whole lot of time to think..

after hearing that you stayed up practically the whole night just to wait for that ONE reply.. i felt so.. so.. i don't know any appropriate word to describe it.. and you forced yourself awake by watching a show you just watched the night before..

but that aint so much the point now, the point is.. my friend knocked some sense into me..

"he did what great love would do.. i mean it proves that he is really sincere to you.. that he really cares.. i mean a guy would only do that for ONE girl..and i mean ONE.. no more.. ONE!!!"

that, set me thinking. that, got me really reassured. that, made me feel special.

the fact that he's easily tired and falls asleep makes it all the more.. wow. you know.

缅怀..

2005-10-11T13:36:00.000+08:00

i saw this phrase from some stranger's blog.. cuz i happened to come across it.. somehow.. and i saw this:

那一晚，我很难过。因为我知道你再也不会因为我而停下脚步。那一晚，我很开心。因为我知道你再也不会因为我而留下遗憾。
或许你真的在我的生命里留下太多太多的回忆。至今，我仍然缅怀。当然我已经清楚，并也承认了一个事实，我们是不会再在一起的。

haha so true.. ive moved on.. but it doesnt hurt to cherish the past right?

"因为我的心里已你为模式，所以我将永远找不到另一个你。或许吧。" from the blog.. aint this life always full of comparison no matter how hard you try not to? cuz sometimes it happens so subconsciously that you don't even know you're practising that. but i dont mean what i just pasted though.

任性是_好?

2005-10-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

he still cares.. =) he asked for my meepok last night.. he wanted my meepok! hee.. thanks thanks. and to those who bothered too.. thanks thanks. =) juz feeling v thankful right now.. or something. haha.

and to the person who listened to me about it, thanks thanks. i know you're not reading this.. but still.. =) te amo.

sometimes i think my life is fated.. cuz there are many repeats of similar events every now and then. and it aint a good thing.. bahhs.

i woke up feeling very bad.. real bad. that i almost wanted to lock myself up in an invisible barrier.. but then i felt the urge to play the piano.. so i got up.. then listened to the cd i got for my bday mths ago.. cuz yesterday suddenly one song from it played in my head.. duno if im strong headed or what.. its like when i have the urge to do something suddenly, and i really mean suddenly, i'll suddenly jump up and try to find that thing to do what i wanna do. then people will wonder what im trying to do. ahh whateverr.. im like that la. and im very stubborn, i don't really like people telling me what to do.. why cant you just let me try and then learn from my own mistakes? stop interfering can? unless the danger is too great or something la.. maybe its cuz of the culture i grew up in since young ba.. BIS.

another thing, in jakarta you hardly see people wearin shorts and flip flops making their way to malls.. its lk. wth? people wear nice nice. i mean not like shorts. they wear pants or something. so the culture shock.. (even though its been 6 yrs) is still there.. but then i also started wearin very casually when i feel like it la.. but then never to town or sth. just neighbourhoods.

-the power of love can be constructive, and unfortunately, destructive too. it presents itself as a power too great that it can drive people to take up violent forms to commit crimes of passion, under the clouded mind- just my thot today..

i cant wait till the sky turns indigo =)

fullerton

2005-10-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

our fullerton.. wheeee~

today.. i went up to the observation lounge at mandarin hotel. omg.. its sooo romantic and dark.. its like u sit on the sofa with the table.. with a candlelight.. and then you look out.. the view is magnificent.. breath taking. ooooooooooooh. that's it! that's the place i want! you look out the full length window and you see the city lights of singapore. ooh so nice. with the candlelight flickering.. in thy eyes.. drinking tequila.. or any other cocktail for that matter.

oh anyway, speaking of the observation lounge.. reminds me of the time i went there.. after my grad ball at hilton..

then i went up the stairs to the top of the M! revolving restaurant.. moves at like.. 1mm per sec. haha its slow. i wonder if that's the standard speed for revolving restaurants. maybe they dont want you to get headache and then start puking all their food out. saves all the trouble. -.- anw, the view was maginificent too.. then there was this trio playin cello guitar and some other instrument i dint really see.. to every table.. so nice. haha. BUT.. i dint eat there. wahaha..

you know.. i dont see the point in people trying to coerce me to eat something that i DONT like. and.. the point is.. the thing isnt something nutritious or something. its lk.. junk? some glutinous rice thingy with sesame seeds.. soo sticky and soo sweet.. and its black and white and shiny! i see already got headache. haiz.. duno why lei i see such black and white teeny wheeny stuff so shiny i will have headache. in the end.. to shang2 lian3, i ate a lil bit. omg it stuck to my teeth. eeks.. nice mehz? whateverr. haha..

haiz.. my nick put 'our fullerton'.. reminds me of sec 4 that NE game.. i was sooooooo close to building fullerton and earnin my big buck to win the game. BUT.. i forgot what happened. i dint manage to build it. juz cuz i clicked on sth wrongly. wth. sooo pek cek. haha. and then now.. my nick lkdat.. someone mistakes it for sth. ahh crapper.

anw.. ciao.

2005-10-08T09:23:00.000+08:00

luckily, this world works on the basis of 'to each his own' if not, everyone would be all scurrying for the same thing, and that would spell huge trouble for us all. since they say one is attracted to a certain smell the opposite smell gives off subconsciously, let's say, if all the girls were to go for that one particular guy which has a smell that turns them on.. then how? wouldnt the rest of the guys be sooo darn condemned to be single for the rest of their lives? oh man. luckily luckily luckily.. haha it was a very random thought la.

today i woke up so early.. just cuz i woke up at 845am then my dad came in and kacau me.. he used the comp in my room.. then couldnt fall asleep anymore. so there.

now that the promos are over.. i can concentrate on other things! here's some i plan to do:
1. EXERCISE! - my stagnancy for the past few months is taking its toll on me! its real bad.. i gotta work on my stamina.. and my gorging on food has not helped.. i gotta shed those fats! ugh. and i gotta stretch my muscles.. streeeeeeeeetchhh.

2. cut hair! - yes yes i was the first to say i wanted to cut hair.. and then everyone else around me cuts their hair before i do. bleahs. i WILL cut hair next week.. =D

3. shop! - it's a lady's prerogative to shop right? =D ive been wanting this sling bag.. but i still havent gotten down to buying it! and i want hair accessories! i got sick of all the normal hair stuffs. wheeeeet. hmm.. and i want new clothes! i want those short bermudas.. i duno if its in fashion or something but i keep seeing those models wear them.

4. read. for the past few weeks all that ive doing was sleeping, and eating, and watching tv. a very good and sure-successful way to just sit and get fat. havent been reading much. i wanna read the da vinci code.. its hidden somewhere under my stack of books on my table.. which is currently taking up at least 3/4 of my table. that's why i dun study at my table. (i study at anywhere else you can name other than the table.) now don't ask me the purpose of the table. i know.

i cant remember what else i wanna do liao.. whahaha.. oooh! EAT! but must exercise first lei.. if not later get fat. bahhs. like its my first time ever worrying about my body. oosh.

yayy gonna have new blogskin soon.. from sushi! hee.. =P

ok.. i juz read this guy's blog.. if i dun remember wrongly he was in OG1. his blog q nice to read le..then like he seems like a nice guy from what he writes. well he seemed like a nice guy in O1 too anw. got emotions de. so cat hi may not be so bad after all. bespectacled guys from cat hi. (+ darryl). haha. the rest. bahhs.

anw.. to quote from him: change, one thing that is constant in this world. ironic it is but all so dreadfully true. how so many yearn to pull back the hands of time. we treasure mostly what has been lost, yet at the same time we must endear what we have now. how long does one take to learn a lesson? how long does change occur? when do we know we've stopped changing? i sound pessimistic but doesn't change sound both exuberant yet melancholic at times?

true.. change is so unpredictable you duno wads in store for you.. its exciting but.. wait. there's always a reason for things that happen. i'd always held that belief close to my heart. and that.. helps me pull through certain rough times. like for that.. ive found a reason. and the reason is you*

ok gotta close this. go watch mtv asia le! wheeeeeet.

loveyy

2005-09-25T22:58:00.000+08:00

on friday.. it was sushi's birthday.. then i tried to light a matchstick.. play play ma.. den wa seh. first strike got fire le! my first ever lit matchstick. den hor no one was happy for me lo.. =( only sushi was.. yay.. tnks sushi.. =)

at the ice cream parlour; looking into your eyes.. when nothing else matters.. looking out the full length window.. out into the skyline of the city.. with bright lights twinkling in accompaniment with the stars.. with jazz music played in the background. just you and me. sipping coffee. with the lit candle wavering in the dark. you. and. me. always.

under the stars and the moon, we sit by the waves.. you and me.. together. in each other's arms, lying against each other.. looking out into the far horizon.. with the waves washing onshore.. occasionally touching our feet.. with the gentle sea breeze caressing our cheeks..

just you and me. =)

all my life; kci and jojo

All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I..That I Finally Found You
All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too Yes,
I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love With A Stranger
You're All I'm Thinking Of
I Praise The Lord Above For Sending Me Your Love
I Cherish Every Hug
I Really Love You

oooh~

sweet. =)

enough!

2005-09-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

everybody HAS A FREAKIN PATIENCE LIMIT. and b*stards juz happen to not be aware of it. UNFORTUNATELY. ive tolerated you for a very freakin bloody long time. oooooh. i forgot. maybe you're just deprived and cut off due to your four years being stuck in A place. that you forget how to conduct yourself in front of certain people. desensitized INhumans. i feel sooo sorry for you.

what they say is true. people tend to fly off the handle with people they are close with. so. if i blow my top at you, it could be
1. we're very close
2. MY BLOODY FREAKIN FLOODGATE HAS BEEN BURST OPEN that you have pushed your limits wayyyyyyyyyyy too far. oh. i cant see the limit anymore.

I HATE YOU. cuz i've had ENOUGH. you know, ENOUGH? SUFFICIENT? CUKUP?

YOU JUST WAIT. TAKE MY WORDS. I BLOODY WELL MEAN IT.

-if you think im scolding you, no. im not. its someone else.

'whoever who does not agree with me is an idiot' you are an idiot, do you not agree? -from someone's nick.

2005-09-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

had a terribly headache just now.. when i tried to lie on the bed my mind was practically whirling.. bahhs. the plane my dad took got some engine problem.. fuel leak - fire hazard. God bless he landed safely midway in HK. wth. why always got problem?! anyway today i decorated some pics.. here are some of em.. hope its nice. =)

2005-09-10T12:44:00.000+08:00

yesterday went to open house of biopolis.. nanotech and bioengineering.. the nanos. haha.. whoa the lab got lotsa china scientists and eh..german? the bottomline is there are lotsa foreign workers.. where have all the talented singaporeans gone? goodness. we actually have to recruit foreign talent to become a hub.. pathetic. sigh. waliewz then the china guy accent so strong i couldnt understand what he was saying.. he said 'linear' in a very weird manner that i didnt even know he was sayin 'linear'. then when he started speaking i almost burst out laughing cuz it reminded me of the HK accent russell peters was imitating. then at the end he went 'ok thank you' then zhiyang couldnt help but laugh nonstop -.- then move on to the next lab is some angmoh the accent also very funny zhiyang also cant help but laugh. then make me laugh.. but luckily i could control.. so bad!! haha.. the worst thing was we were right in front of him. luckily i tall enough to block him from laughing when he bent down. >.< haha..

then went to ikea eat meatballs. i know its friday.. haiz. nvm i will compensate today. so far haven't eat any meat. =D yesterday so happy cuz tootsie pei wo take mrt.. haha =P

"you're every woman in the world to me" wheee~ haha. =)

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same, cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way

Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

stay the same by joey mcIntyre

losing faith.

2005-09-05T15:44:00.000+08:00

rachel loves joey and joey loves rachel. =) but that love is not the love rachel has for ross. if it was.. life would be screwed.

losing faith...? sigh. i guess the wound has left a scar in my heart somehow la. that fear has never gone away.. it only subsided for a period of time. promises are hardly promises. what people say today may mean another thing tomorrow. who can guarantee their words will hold the same meaning twenty years down the road? hmm.

i love cherries. =) so sweet.. just like me. hahaha. >.<

bohemian rhapsody

2005-09-04T14:48:00.000+08:00

the song bohemian rhapsody reminds me the show i watched.. dead man walking. are some people worth the second chance? how would we know if we dont give them the chance? what if giving them the second chance was a mistake? who is to answer for it? sigh. life aint fair.. even if someone rich commits an unforgivable crime, he gets the best lawyer to defend for him.. and make someone else the scapegoat.. wouldnt he be scotfree?

what about the family and loved ones of the person to be sentenced to death? what if he has realized his mistake? will killing him make up for the loss? is it justified? i thought thou shalt not kill? whatever is being taught to kids? we cover our kids' eyes to violence and unjustice.. cuz they are too young and innocent and sweet to take it.. but then somehow somewhere in time they are slowly being exposed to the realities of life.. and adulthood realities start to set in on me this year.. that life is not always a fairytale. hmm. and you don't always get what you want in life. like love. love is so powerful..it can lift us up where we belong.. yet bring us down to dungeons so deep and dark we find it a struggle to climb out of it..

why.is.life.so.cruel?

why.cant.innocence.reign.the.world?

this.is.the.final.trace.of.innocence.

Bohemian Rhapsody-

Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama oooh... Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come, sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama oooh (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

i fear losing the things dearest to me.. my loved ones.. my memories.. everything that i have always depended on.. for life... love.. hope.. everything.

why am i so vulnerable? sigh. but then, i shoud still be blessed for whatever i have now.
- Thank you God.

-love-

2005-09-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

one can love so many people.. but yet.. only one person will receive the special love that will blossom into a love that only marriage unites. and only marriage can unite. although its a very fine line between all the different types of love.. it is tonight.. (one of the nights) when i truly know who that special one person is. cuz i miss you so much. there are so many aspects of love..

sigh.. you must be sleeping.. that's why. piggy. WAKE UP CAN ANOT?! sigh. i miss you.. like mad.. although i just saw you just now.

today i slept from 3 to 8pm.. so loong. i even slept so soundly on the bus.. even when the bus stopped halfway at the expressway and the aircon switched off i couldn't care at all..cuz i was half awake only.. and i continued sleepin.. sushi say i v li hai.. aircon off stil can zz.. haha =) im a piggy what.

i still miss you. =(

closer to me.

2005-08-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

im starting to think if what i once stood for is crumbling apart now. it makes me question.. if what i always thought that thing was is what it truly is.

-Closer To Me-

Constantly girl you're on my mind
Girl, I think about you all of the time
And even though words are hard to say
Girl I miss you, never thought I'd feel this way
If you keep on taking
My heart you'll be breaking
So why do you do this to me?
You know how I'm feeling
It's you I believe in
Baby can't you see that I need you?

Everyday reminisce about the past
Of a love that we thought would last
How we used to be when it was you and me
How did it all disappear so fast
There are days that I can't forget
There are things that I now regret
I was there for you when you were there for me
And I was thinkin' we were set
Every night when I'm laying in my bed
I hear your voice going round in my head
Think of all the things I could have done and
All those things I could have said
I really will make it up to you
I know now what I've got to do
It took time but now I've realised how much I'm missing you

You're an angel in my eyes
Everyday, you're closer to me

nice song.. =) old songs are always nicer than the songs nowadays. doesn't hold as much meaning anyway.

the higher the hopes you place for someone, picturing him as someone as near perfect and unique.. the more enormous the disappointment when that person disappoints you. i cant fathom why im feeling this way. but then. bahhs.

*im sorry

that's all i can say.. i know it may not hold much. but that is all i can say.

maybe everyone has always been like that all along..its just that i never came about finding out. will i ever find out anyway? no one is always honest anyway. the cruelties and realities of life start to sink in every now and then.. what has happened this year?its like this year is soo eventful.. both good and bad. ahh whateverr.

lost. confused. left stranded in a sea of thoughts.

eat and eat and eat..

2005-08-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

ok.. i realized i spent $10 on food [and drinks] today. my gosh i'm seriously eatin ALOT. look..today after math lecture i went out just to buy a red bean paste bao to eat even though it was not break..den eat le one hour later i ate fish and chips during break. and then they dumped their coleslaw on my plate so i ate it all up. then ok quite full.. den later lunch break ate the malay food..with rice.. then got fried wanton they buy extra all in a bowl couldn't resist temptation so i ate that.. then ate sharon's veggy.. ate kelly's veggy and mushroom. what else? ok enough.

on sunday.. i practically ate and slept. that's what i did. yea.. i woke up.. eat.. then study a lil bit..then oh..im hungry.. i found curry.. leftovers from previous night.. ate the whole pot up.. then like a while later the maid buy me fried rice wrapped in egg.. ate it up.. then sleep 2+ hrs.. then wake up continue eating.. wth..

i just remembered today.. last time when i was in junior school.. i used to eat melanie's leftovers cuz she hardly touched her lunch! it was nice and she didn't eat it.. so i always ate hers on top of my own. maybe ive been a glutton all along... bleahs. =X

and i bought my ROASTED PEAS FINALLY! been craving for 3 days? that's torturous man. and im eating until its gonna finish again. sigh. and i juz woke up not long ago.. slept from 645-1015pm. wow. piggy. but piggies are cute! =D

but then sheep also eats and sleeps alot. muahaha.

...

2005-07-31T11:37:00.000+08:00

i guess no one here in singapore has fully grasped the meaning of poverty..not until theyve gone elsewhere to see for themselves what hunger really is. that you're so desperate for food until u bare to pick up remnants of food particles stamped on before, or those already 'touched' by flies or maggots. as they say..desperate times call for desperate measures. ---gp is fun. haha. its an eye opener. just like economics. it makes you THINK. at least it makes my lazy pea brain think.

yesterday i went to the national library. hmm.. its nice.. you know.. like sorta sophisticated and all.. but the surrounding hdb flats don't seem to go hand in hand with the new building! haha.. and then they were sayin that it takes up lotsa space.. quite true.. tsk tsk.. is the national library another iconic building to attract tourists?

i seriously think im eating too much.. like how many meals do i eat per day? oh my.. everyone says ive got worms in my tummy.. that i will grow fat next time. listen up. i WILL NOT grow fat ok. hmph. =p i should go jog la.. my stamina has gone down the drain.. like totally. whatever happened to the strong evey? i'm supposed to be perserverant and be able to endure long distances relatively well. =X

i love caps =)

so long for now.. ciao~

bahhs.

2005-07-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

there wasn't a chance to say goodbye. my whole mind is shrouded with questions, but no answers. would we all feel guilty for our past behaviour? i thought we always made a big joke out of things? we even said we wanted to hold a meeting to solve the problem. what bullshit. to think i thought it was funny. FUNNY. -.- i think we took it for granted. we took for granted the fact that he would always be there to talk lotsa crap, to........................ ahh. people. i wonder if they regret it. i wonder how he felt. did he feel our concern? when will i get my much-needed answers? i wonder what people feel. relief? bleah.

i always said i would come about doing it.. and then what if tomorrow never comes? what if? what if? just yesterday i was harping on the issue of there's always a reason behind everything. a blessing in disguise. after much thought last night, i figured.. its easier said than done. ALWAYS. but then after this happened, i know it has taught me a very valuable lesson. but will i change myself? will i continue to procrastinate? or will i choose to make my same old mistakes again? and i thought it wouldn't have an impact on my life.. i THOUGHT.

they didn't even have time to say parting words. they were on the PLANE for goodness sake. the message couldn't even be relayed to them at that time. he couldn't wait.. anymore. when people go, all feelings turn into.. whatever you call it. like say, even if you hated that person, you would feel.. (pity?) all of a sudden. bahhs. whatever.

why do i always wake up to bad news? can i don't sleep again? why can't i turn back time? maybe i should stop asking 'why' questions. what's the use anyway?

francais.

2005-07-10T15:39:00.000+08:00

ahh! im in the mood for french once again! i miss french. let me see.. it was like.. 10 years ago since i learnt french? wow.. time flies.

bonjour mademoiselle et monsieur.. haha ok i think that's grammatically wrong. sheesh. =X

je m'appelle evelyn. comment sa va? haha ahhh~

un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf dix.. ok cool..haha

i think french is such a sophisticated language.. hmm talkin about sophistication.. that makes me more sophisticated than my president in this aspect right? since i can talk a lil french.. wahaha.. =P in that case i shall not reveal my president's identity then.. lest i get whacked for ruining the almighty's image. haha. french is soo elegant! if only i could write a whole paragraph of things in french. that would make me brilliantly sophisticated. oh i still remember.. there was one period when i was so french crazy i almost bought a french dictionary.. fortunately.. i didn't. haha.

i need a thesaurus.

can you read this? ok ignore me i was just testing out..after all im a noob at this. nice angel pic right? =)

-au revoir. =)

bam..

2005-07-09T12:18:00.000+08:00

sighs.. i don't know why i am so sad today.. i feel so..lethargic.. no mood for anything. i just feel like listening to "love me for a reason" and "concerto d'amore".. i miss the band.. just now in school i kept hearing them playing.. then some of them had sectionals.. bahhs.. i want another concert.. i wanna blow my tuba.. = i want to play in the band concert where the sound of the music surrounds everyone.. "surround sound" where the music will make your spines tingle, and your hair stand. where you feel the air around you moving yada yada.. i wanna play phantom of the opera.. ok i'm dreaming again..

the middle part of concerto d'amore rocks big time. it makes you feel so..peaceful.. full of love.. yet in a tragic way.. ahh..whatever.

oh anyway.. happy birthday to zhiyang.. =) when i read that book i immediately thought that it suits you.. since you're so inquisitive.. =P

it feels so surreal.. yet.. i think the answer has come. [ok i know this is totally random and makes no sense whatsover..] yea... anyway.. i believe the answer has dawned upon me.

2005-07-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

although to some people, war of the worlds is just another movie, but to me, it aint. its an eye-opener. i saw the way the people struggled to survive, where everyone's selfishness, fury and violence all come out in desperate times. as they say, "desperate times call for desperate measures". you can shoot just to survive. jump off the 'bridge' just to catch the last ship, and to find out that you're doomed no matter where you go. and one could actually kill someone in order to protect himself and his daughter from the so-called aliens.

in singapore, this kind of competitiveness is NOTHING compared to how people behave in china. you can call them barbaric and uncivilized, but its their need to survive that compels them to do what they do. push, shove, whatever. its chaotic. but in such a populous country, how can you survive without all these skills? it's just like in survivor where you backstab and do all inhuman things, just for one thing - to emerge as the ultimate survivor.

at the beginning of the show, it seemed like the father was insensitive and unloving.. but as the story unveils.. you see a fatherly love so strong that he can do anything, and i mean anything, just to save his son and daughter. the will to survive, and the love for a family.. can be soo great it compels you to do unthinkable things. sometimes people just cannot express their love well, that does not mean they don't love with all they have, with all their heart.

oh and anyway.. after readin pourqoui.. it made me realize one thing. kids are the most wonderful things you can ever have, apart from love, and your other loved ones, of course. kids' innocence makes you view things in a different light. those inquisitive ones will ask questions that make you ponder, and more often than not, its questions adults cannot answer. kids are beautiful. like totally.. =) kids.. in a way.. are smarter than us.. not in terms of knowledge of books or what, but those things that can only be felt by the heart. i cant think of the word.. it starts with 'v'.. darn..

oh and then i went to attend the NJCSB concert at victoria concert hall with ailin. their sound is , wow. and i really mean, WOW. especially for phantom of the opera. i could feel my spines tingle..my hair stand. of course i think its partly cuz of the acoustic of the hall.. but still.. you need a certain level of competence to achieve such wonderful sound right. thus. haha. no wonder wenjie loves that band so much. sighs. and i enjoyed the encore piece of abba song collections. wee~ a concert worth replaying. and japanese graffiti IV, it brings back memories. i lurrve that song. i still can remember the part i play! =D it somehow reminded me of hongxiang. bahhs.. he was a very funny senior to me. =)

anyway.. i still believe nanyang has the talent for every cca. its just that those talents are hidden..somehow. look at many of us AMBians.. we refuse to join the band cuz of its..erm..nvm..i shant say.. and people like kelly..has had enough of dance. somehow somewhere.. along the way.. those experienced just cease to re-join their cca.. and thus.. we have to retrain people.. and that's where we lose out. somehow, the passion isn't reignited.

anyway.. that's all for now.. ciao~

the navy.

2005-06-12T08:05:00.000+08:00

cool..we went to changi naval base on thu 0906. we took this tour around the RSS ship. i forgot the exact name. anw, the ship is huge. and then we took this thing which was like a speedboat. oh man the wind blowing against my face, the sound of the motor, the waves splashing. wow. it just rocks. totally. oh anw the ceiling of the ship is 2m high only.. and someone suaned me say "r u feelin tall?its juz an illusion only k.." haha so mean la. then the capt of the ship is so gentlemanly, then q gd lookin oso..and he speaks..umm.. v mildly.. haha. =)

then we got this navy goodie bag. wahh guess wad we have the badge! v nice.. =) the navy just rocks..totally!

ok i shall attempt to talk in a v sophisticated manner so i will not be relegated from the league. haha. =P