there wasn't a chance to say goodbye. my whole mind is shrouded with questions, but no answers. would we all feel guilty for our past behaviour? i thought we always made a big joke out of things? we even said we wanted to hold a meeting to solve the problem. what bullshit. to think i thought it was funny. FUNNY. -.- i think we took it for granted. we took for granted the fact that he would always be there to talk lotsa crap, to........................ ahh. people. i wonder if they regret it. i wonder how he felt. did he feel our concern? when will i get my much-needed answers? i wonder what people feel. relief? bleah.

i always said i would come about doing it.. and then what if tomorrow never comes? what if? what if? just yesterday i was harping on the issue of there's always a reason behind everything. a blessing in disguise. after much thought last night, i figured.. its easier said than done. ALWAYS. but then after this happened, i know it has taught me a very valuable lesson. but will i change myself? will i continue to procrastinate? or will i choose to make my same old mistakes again? and i thought it wouldn't have an impact on my life.. i THOUGHT.

they didn't even have time to say parting words. they were on the PLANE for goodness sake. the message couldn't even be relayed to them at that time. he couldn't wait.. anymore. when people go, all feelings turn into.. whatever you call it. like say, even if you hated that person, you would feel.. (pity?) all of a sudden. bahhs. whatever.

why do i always wake up to bad news? can i don't sleep again? why can't i turn back time? maybe i should stop asking 'why' questions. what's the use anyway?