i cannot understand why i chose to help out with something not "exactly" within my scope of responsibility to sacrifice a rare opportunity to have family time.

it's got me so distraught that it actually warrants an entry.

what's worse?

i did not exactly feel very appreciated.

it's the last stretch. but i just feel like stopping in my tracks.
but i know my motivation.

outlast. outwin.



up till now, everything feels right. like how everything falls into place perfectly.

screw the negative feelings last night!

work's piling up. projects gonna be in full swing soon. but i'm still in slack mode. one week recess in two weeks time. but i guess it's gonna be filled up pretty soon. hope there's time to do trekking. =)

this left feels right.
and this seems, a lot like love.




the tears in my eyes.. cannot blur the current state of how things are.

i'm supposed to be happy, but i'm not.

[adapted from julia:]
one of the first lessons i learnt when i was brought to this world was to walk.. now, i'm still learning how to walk.. to walk through my life without faltering..

sorry, but this is just a v emo day for me.


wake up, eve.



when was the last time you did something for the first time?

22nd july.. i ran my first 10km marathon in which i clocked quite well.. that's what i think considering that i haven't been running much, nyahaha. and my first m18 movie. eye-opener.. yes, i am innocent. hehe.

and i got invited to a yacht party (for the first time!) last week at marina! but i decided to give it a pass. hope there's a next time! =)

most of all, i had many firsts in the camps i attended. =)

saw a nice white leather bag at heeren that i wanna get! damn. i cannot go on like this. i still need to buy new sports shoes since all my running shoes have spoilt, thanks to nike's dissolvable glue for the soles.

was kinda pleasantly surprised last night when joshua tan added me and started talkin to me on msn out of nowhere.. and now i know he is my senior again! that guy, conveniently ignored my persistent questioning of "how do you know so much?" and "you're in smu?" till he finally relented. but he still refuses to say which school he's in. but anyway, am very thankful for those little tips. =)

today, finally got to visit the national museum for my banquet in stone. too bad photography ain't allowed. after that, went to church, and tried to find uni bag again.. but none really is compelling enough for me to buy. BUT. i finally got my hands on the gola bag! and it's white with brown words! so it's really fated that i didn't get to buy the one with black words at taka cuz it was the last piece, and it really cmi. so.. am a happy girl! =) then, proceeded to eat at hot tomato at PS basement. i think i'm totally into wraps/burgers now.. since thursday when i ate that mushroom cheesy burger Route 66 at Billy Bomber's. and then, went to catch perfect strangers. quite an interesting show i must say.

what's even more interesting is that i saw two couples fighting in public today. what a bad day to date. haha. and both times, the girl was screaming! once was in the cinema, at the row right in front of me, the girl scolded the guy, let out a frustrating sigh, and stomped off. few minutes later, the guy went out too. waste ticket money lehh. haha. second time, was when we were walking out of the cinema.. and there. the girl was scolding the guy and even hitting him. tsktsk.

off to watch tv! tata~



"ohhh u updated ur blog ah? FINALLYYY" - normal reactions i get.

went down to SMU to pay for my workshop.. then went to meet sushi to find bags.. ended up buyin some striped red and black short jacket that i have been eyeing for so long everytime i walk past that shop. sigh. made two wrong decisions in the span of five minutes.. was waiting to cross the road between SOA and Lib.. waited.. and waited. till i realized the bunch of people who reached the traffic light before me did not press the button to cross. -.- so i pressed. then awhile later i saw the road wad kinda empty save for a bus that was supposedly gonna stop at the bus stop.. then it did not.. it slowed down.. so meaning i don't get to cross in front of the bus. and after the bus because suddenly a taxi appeared behind the bus! and then second lane from the left another car was coming! *stunned* cuz i was in the middle of the 1st and 2nd lane.. then i ran to the curb after the taxi slowed down. phewwwww.

then went to check which buses go to cineleisure bus stop.. many buses (about seven), except
3 buses do not go there. the next bus that came was 171.. and 171 route directory was not up there. so i just whack. DAMN. it didn't stop there.. so i had to walk back from taka bus stop.

that teaches me, never to cross a road so haphazardly ever again. once is enough.

anyway, am so totally irked by someone's rude behaviour today. completely intolerable behaviour!! ultimate man.

i cant wait till sunday. =)



hey peeps! was looking at the date of my last post.. and realized two months have already gone. this is the revival. heh. anywayy. yeah during this two months.. went to vietnam.. and well, been occupied with alot of acitivities.. joined starringSMU - car wash and will be doing the largest human flag with umbrellas at the padang next week for NDP. reminds me of rihanna's unbrella mtv.. under my umber-ella.. ella ella~ anyway, keep a look out! =)

went for FTB camp, Oikos! econs camp.. and to date, my most enjoyable, FANTABULOUS one is none other than Uni-Y camp. the activities they came up with + the people + (getting to play bridge during free time whees haha) = perfect combi! and.. getting to bathe at YMCA shower rooms (with hairdryers - of which Ashley is very thankful for). Telematch on first night was a big bang for PYTHAGORAS!!

pictures will be up.. well, soon. haha.

and yesterday when i got back from camp.. I was sooo pleasantly surprised. among the stack of flooded emails in the inbox.. i was been told that I have been offered the SMU Study Award for Economics. oh man i think God answered my prayers.. cuz daddy's quite sad that i screwed the scholarship screening, furthermore i didn't even apply for it in the first place.. and to them i think they sort of got the wrong idea that i didn't want it.. which is bahhhh. oh wells. my first reaction was to pick the phone up and call daddy =DD

but then, next step is to get a consistent term GPA of at least 3.4 in order for the award to be renewed every year. damn. every now and then i start to falter in my thinking and think if my limit has hit the end.. but then again.. limits are meant to be pushed. gives me one more reason to work towards my goals. =)

anyway, Uni-Y camp made me think of many issues, including personal ones.. it's not just the CIP activities that got me thinking (again) but the other fun times that i had during the games.. the realisations.. the feelings. it made me feel a whole lot better.

i still miss my folks.. cant wait for mama to come back.. together with krispy kreme donuts! =)

was supposed to go 2D1N kelong fishing trip with clara sarah and liru.. but i guess i'm backing out now.. sigh. mixed feelings man. and mom just asked me if i wanna go cambodia next week.. will see if i can squeeze in a short getaway the week after since i have to be here next week!

when the string broke.. it freaked me out.. looking back.. i think it was a sign.. though i chose not to believe it at first.. i thought my "smile" thingy had gone.. and i didn't want that to be another sign.. but it reappeared again later the next night.. and it made me smile.

maybe it's better this way.. but i just don't want to shut you out completely.. if you know what i mean.. because i don't like it when you get the wrong idea.. and i think you will..




hey. back from hokkaido. feels so hot back here cuz temperature is like more than doubled. heh. bought alot of things. don't want to think how much money was spent. not facing reality. haha. cuz everything over there is costly!


i broke the law twice in japan. persons below the age of 20 are not allowed to drink liquor. haha. didn't know they were so strict. drank the jap sake and the sapporo beer. the beer they produce locally. went to the factory and they gave free-flow tasting. quite nice taste. but i couldn't taste the alcohol in the beer. (or couldn't remember tasting the alcohol in the beer). and the vodka pear i was drinking the other day. tasted damnit mild. that means something. not very good though. heh.


went with a tour group this time. the group was fun!! and the guide was entertaining. took lotsa pics!! will start scrapbooking for this trip, the other japan trip, the hongkong trip(erhem erhem someone please gimme the photos, hehe). and more of the less recent stuff if i can!! hee. so i tried soaking in the hot spring, tried the specialty soup curry, snow crab, FRESH sashimi raw sea urchins (love!) & prawns. the steamboats. food still makes the world go round for me. lalala.


i don't quite understand why some people can 'bear grudges' for so long. ('bear grudges' sounds quite wrong but i don't know what else to call it) or keep their hatred towards others for so long. maybe it's me living too much in a 'fantasy' world. but what's the use in holding on to a hatred for so long?

i have to decide on the uni this sunday. giving myself this deadline. hopefully i will be able to meet it. heh. it'll probably be SMU. and i hope it is the right choice.

hmm hmm. now that i have been asked again if i wanna go play for amb alumni concert.. (prac's coming mon and tue nite) but im going for acjc choir concert on mon nite, how to go for concert with only one prac??!?!) so little pracs for this year. haha. might probably just drop by or something la. see how.

the airport people asked me to work again when i come back for another 5 days 24-28th may. was very reluctant to. cuz was very lazy. haha. but i sort of gave in, sounding very reluctantly. and i couldn't believe they can't find other people can. heh. but i said i won't be able to make it on 24th, and that i wouldn't be able to work 25th morning, and don't give afternoon shift for 27th. and that 28th won't be free. in the end, they didn't confirm with me anymore. haha! i so mafan.


so glad to be welcomed by that message when i got back. =)


and sansan, you really auto-updated me. hee! but so many things happened among you girls that i think i'm lagging so far behind. =( hmph. melmel you want to do volunteering together?

and today is jul's last exam day! whee! freedom liao~ hehe.



so today marks the end of the one-week changi airport stint. rejected their extension for two more weeks cuz i'll be going off to hokkaido on friday for 6 days! back on 24th may! =) will probably see those working in morning shift at terminal 2 on friday. haha. quite sad that i won't be seeing those people anymore. no more waking up at 3am. no more sharing cabs. heh. but it's a fun experience i got for this whole week. the people are nice.. the trolley and port (isit called that??) service uncles are very friendly, will chat up with you. those red-shirted staff working at CAAS were also very nice. de-briefs were enjoyable because you get to hear comical and drama stories from passengers. yeah.

just went to check webbie for jc band syf results. nanyang band got gold lehhh! haha. realized no jc band got bronze. hmm. i miss band. the majestic sound the band produces. should i join this year's amb alumni performance again? hehe.

and i went to weigh myself at the airport using the baggage scale. i weigh a whopping 46kg!!! never in my whole life have i weighed that much beforeeeeeeeeeeee. this is an emergencyyy. never thought i would come to this day that i would have to worry about my weight. cuz it never seemed to increase for like yearsss, until NOW! damnit.

anyway, yeah shev and ballack ain't playing for 19th may's clash.

probably going to bali for beach trip in early to mid june! =D

oh. and yesterday was mother's day! after work on saturday, went to watch him play soccer. then went to causeway point to get our mothers' prezzies. i actually loved what i gave mommy! and she loved it too! =D lalala. so after work on sunday went home to take quite a long nap. woke up in the evening to go for mother's day dinner at peach garden with aunts uncle mellin and jujull. my uncle gave ahma a chocolate mousse cake. hmm, quite filial after all. heh. dinner was very entertaining! =D and then another choc cake from chocz courtesy of mellin. veryy full. but i liked the dinner. lalala.

ok. tata. lols.